Something to believe in

I really need something to believe in again. If i’m perfectly honest, i’m still clinging on to the belief that it’s possible . But, if i was wise, i’d grow up and see reality. We all need something to believe in, but my tears obviously tell me it is unwise of me to still believe. Maybe i’m just hoping, that in the end it will all culminate in to what i’ve been wishing for, and that it would have been worth the while. I’m still hopeful, and naively so. I’ll probably be naive for a bit longer.

♥ Veronica ~x

Let’s party like it’s 2012

…or not. So it’s been a while since i’ve written a new entry… well actually that’s sort of a lie since there are some unpublished ones lol but it’s a new year, so thought it’s about time to post something.

New year, new start! Quite fancy the idea of starting a new blog, but i also can’t bear the thought of losing this blog and letting it die. Anyways, before i forget, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Since my last entry, i’ve started studying for a Masters course in Child Psychology. It’s given back some structure to my life. Been up early in the morning like every other “normal” person, and sleeping early-ish, well before 2am. I actually don’t get much sleep on this course due to the sheer volume of work i have to do. I now find myself constantly reading articles, any spare time i have is spent either in reading or printing off the articles that need to be read. I’m actually rather worried that i may end up needing glasses after this course is over!

Anyways, the course is not going too badly. Everything is going pretty well, minus the stress of completing assignments and one rather annoying classmate (but more about that person in another post). I do hate how i’ve hardly had a christmas break though, thought i could finally take a well earned rest but i have an essay, a lab report, a research proposal, an ethics proposal due and two exams to prepare for before the month of January is even over! So basically have spent my whole break working away, albeit at a slow pace because i keep getting distracted.

Anyways, should probably have used the time spent on typing this entry on writing my essay! But, this year i shall try and make this blog more active again! Post on new year’s resolutions to follow XD.

♥ Veronica ~x

Unpublished

My blog looks as if i’ve abandoned it and that i only come back when i remember about it, but in reality those “empty” months aren’t lacking in entries at all. I just realised i have around 11 unplublished blog entries, some were never published because i started and forgot to finish, or they were too random and not ‘urgent’ enough. But the majority of them, i feel, are actually too personal to post.

I guess i have a real problem letting people know my problems. I much prefer to listen to other people’s problems and help them with it. I’d rather deal with my problems quietly and on my own, even when my world is quite literally crumbling down around me. I guess i’ve just not found anyone that i trust enough. Trust has to be well and truly earned, and my trust in people have been broken before. I don’t want to go through that again. I guess this means i may never have any truly close friends, but it’s okay. I still believe that one day, i will find someone i trust enough to tell them about the things that keep me up at night.

But right now, my vexations and deeply depressive posts shall mostly remain unplublished. Maybe one day i’ll care a lot less and publish everything.

♥ Veronica ~x

Last Weekend

Last weekend (2nd-4th Sept) has been one of the best weekends i’ve had. I didn’t do anything particularly crazy, but just had a bit of a packed schedule. The thing that made it awesome was that i managed to see alot of my friends over those short 3 days!

On the Friday (2nd Sept) i went to watch the play Much Ado About Nothing at the Shakespeare Globe with some of my old high school friends, which included my twin cousins since we attended the same school. I’ve never read Much Ado About Nothing, but watching the live version of it on stage was brilliant. It was really funny and enjoyable, i was afraid i wouldn’t be able to follow the story since it’s been a while since i’ve read Shakespeare but that was not the case. And even though my legs were super tired and sore the next day (since we had standing tickets which only cost £6) it was totally worth it. I really recommend going to see this! Plus a major bonus is that the actor who plays Geoffrey from The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (Joseph Marcell) is in it!

On Saturday (3rd Sept), my friend Tina touched down from Singapore and i went out to London to meet up with her and Vicky. Sadly we could only meet for an hour and a half since Tina was off to Paris later that evening. And even though Tina had gone back to Singapore for about 8 months, it seemed like we had never been apart. I love it when friendships are like this, you could be separated by time and countries, but nothing changes. Your friendship is still the same as before, no awkwardness at all. In fact there was not one moment of silence. Vicky and I roamed around central for a bit after Tina left, and ended up going to Snog for frozen yoghurt and whilst we were there, we managed to bump into my cousins (same cousins from Friday but this time with their younger sister too). Later that evening i was off to a Karaoke arranged by Karyan, finally using her £50 deposit from back in January! Tried to convince Vicky to come along but she rejected me 😦 lol. However i did manage to see Eugene, Sandra (finally!) and Jacqueline (who i had invited along to join us) at karaoke. My throat was so sore from singing that night, haha.

Sunday (5th Sept) was a more relaxing day. Went yum cha with my parents and grandma and bumped into Mei’s parents and grandparents, unfortunately Mei didn’t go. After being seated, i saw Zoe and her family come in. Really small world hehe. If Mei came it would have been a mini re-union! But we had all managed to see each other a few days before during Zoe’s bbq anyways. Today was also Sandra’s last day in London! She was moving to Belfast on Monday, so Karyan and I met her at Fire & Stone for a good bye dinner. We later went to Piccadilly Institute (my new favourite place XD – 50% off = YAY) for cocktails and we turned into caberet rejects! The three of us went a bit crazy with the photo taking and posing with glittered top hats! We probably have enough photos to last the next two years haha. It was the perfect ending to an awesome weekend.

Bit of a long update and i doubt anyone reads this blog anymore, but if you did read this entry i apologise for boring you. This post mainly serves to document this weekend for myself haha. It’s just one of those weekends that i think i would want to remember, so this post is here incase i forget =P

♥ Veronica ~x

2 months on…

So, my last entry has been nearly 2 whole months. I can’t believe that it’s already the end of April, i swear the days just go by so fast even though i spend most of my time not doing very much lol.

So i’ve made a decision as to what my next step is, it’s kinda stressing me out but hopefully i’ll get there. There’s deadlines to stick to and i’m trying my best to meet them. Right now i just feel like i’m literally starting from square one again and i’m wishing for some kind of epiphany so i can finally get this done. Currently trying to write a personal statement but i am at a bit of a loss as to how to go about it. Wish me luck!

♥ Veronica ~x

It’s time…

Can’t believe it’s already March 1st. Christmas didn’t even seem that long ago. The past couple of months have really zoomed by.

Last Thursday was my last day of work at the Strokes and Parkinson’s group, and so now i have to start job hunting again. I guess i’ve bummed around long enough and it’s time to start looking for jobs more seriously. I’m still lost as to what i want to do, but i guess i’ll never truly know what i want to do in life unless i get out there and start experiencing working life.

A part of me is not ready to let go… not ready to grow up, but i know deep inside it’s time for change. Time to make that leap and take the very first step of building my own life. I just wish i could just hold on a little longer, but i know that i would never be ready even if i had all the time in the world. I’m really not one for change. But i know things can’t stay the same forever.

My feelings are in fact rather conflicting, a part of me wishes for something new. I’m ready for changes, yet i’m also childishly holding on, maybe because of familiarity and comfort. But it’s time, i know it’s time and i would be a fool to squander away my youth on only wishing and never acting on my thoughts. It’s time. I know it’s time.

The only problem is that it seems i’ve reached an impasse with myself, i have no idea what my direction is. I’m truly lost, even though everything has been narrowed down to two choices: work or  postgrad study. How can there not be more possibilities to choose from? Most of my friends have already made their decision between the two, and now i’m one of the few who are left.

It’s time to decide.

♥ Veronica ~x

Lie

I’m just gonna lie until i get there. But somehow i don’t think i’ll ever get there.

♥ Veronica ~x

It’s not Christmas

When my mother told me that next weekend is Christmas, i was in disbelief. I couldn’t believe that Christmas was coming so soon. It’s as if Christmas literally crept up on me out of nowhere this year. I have no idea why, but i’m just not feeling it this year. I don’t have that excitement or anticipation that i’ve felt in the past years — i’m just lacking that festivity feeling.

It actually snowed during December this year, and yet that has failed to put me in a Christmas spirit. It just feels like any other time of the year. It’s strange because i’ve always felt it. I guess maybe i’m just getting too old for Christmas. We’re not bothering to take out the Christmas tree this year and there’s no decorations. We’re also not having that big gathering of relatives at my house this year (which has been happening for the last 4 or 5 years now) — but to be honest, i’m rather relieved about that since it means i wont have to go around cleaning the mess when everyone is gone, and it will definitely be saving my parents heaps on the electricity bill, not to mention spending less on stocking up on food, snacks and drinks. I haven’t been doing presents shopping (well, excluding shopping with my mum to buy chocolates for the relatives) and I haven’t been writing Christmas cards. I just haven’t done any of those Christmassy activities.

The one thing that i have done is eat Christmas dinner on the first day that i started work (which was last Thursday). I even came home with one of those mini live Christmas trees. Even so, i’m just not feeling it.

I’m hoping when Christmas eve or Christmas day hits, i’ll be feeling the festivity. But i guess for now, i’ll just continue attempting to get myself into the Christmas mood by making hot cocoa topped off with marshmallows, and taking care of my teeny Christmas tree.

♥ Veronica ~x