Stress Stress Stress

My final year dissertation is wearing me down. We literally have no data because we haven’t even looked at the videos and analyzed them yet, but we can’t do this until our supervisor shows us how to sync the two clips together and calculate the looking time. Of the 22 mothers we booked in, around 10 actually bothered to show up and only about 7 or 8 of the baby data is useable. To top it all off the snow just keeps ruining things because the mothers aren’t going to bring their children to the university in the snow. How we’re meant to get 30 babies and analyze the data in time for the draft deadline in less than a month’s time is beyond me.

The girl i’m working with is a passive aggressive person who isn’t pulling her weight, i feel like i’m doing everything and she’s just riding along. When she actually does something she makes a big fuss about it as if she’s done a lot, which in reality she hasn’t. She keeps bringing up that one time where she had to wake up extra early to deliver the reminder letter with the parking permit by hand to the mother that was coming in that day, as if she’s made a massive sacrifice. When in reality she should have picked up the permits the week before and send them off which would have saved her the trip. Oh and the mother didn’t even turn up in the end, presumably the mother had made other plans due to not receiving the letter beforehand. So really the whole purpose of the reminder letter was defeated. Oh and the other day she left early to go to the cinema with her friend, leaving me and the other guy to pick up the slack.

During the snow days i had to trek in the snow to the office to cancel and reschedule the appointments with the mother. It actually took me 3 hours to do one time, and i mean fair enough i’m the only one of us who lives on campus so i didn’t expect the other two to come all the way in, but it would have been nice for her to acknowledge this fact. The guy did acknowledge this and told me that the two of them would go to the 9am clinic to recruit the infants since i was by myself in the office for the past 2 weeks, and i went to the afternoon clinic by myself. The girl then has the audacity to imply that i hadn’t done anything to help and told me “try to get a few names, at least that would help us out”, and kept texting me to collect the parking permits on my way back. I asked why she couldn’t go pick them up so she wouldn’t have to wait for me to send off the letters, she replied that she was calling up the mothers.  I was gone for a total of 3 hours, i’m pretty sure it doesn’t take 3 hours to make 6 phone calls, thank god the guy came through and sorted everything out. I’m actually at my wits’ ends with this girl, i may end up killing her one day.

To top it all off, me and the guy were discussing the dissertation draft that’s due in next month and we concluded that we actually have no idea what our hypothesis is. We’re getting hardly any support from the supervisors, who expect us to just know everything and do everything by ourselves. But we’re helping THEM with THEIR research. I expected a bit more guidance. We’re basically clueless and have no idea what to do about the high drop-out rate of our participants. We also suspect that our supervisor expects us to carry on with the project after our deadlines. But i really don’t see this happening. Seriously good luck to them and whoever they manage to fool into helping out next year. My supervisor has failed to give me feedback on my dissertation proposal that i handed in back in september, so in essence i have no idea if what i’m doing is correct because i have had no feedback on what i’ve assumed the research to be about and the assumed direction of it.

I’m actually well and truly screwed.

On a slightly brighter note, it’s finally been announced when that cancelled seminar has been rescheduled for and the new essay deadline. Though right now its not realistic for me to preoccupy over it any further, i’ll just have to sort it out after i hand in my draft. I should have about 2 weeks to write it after the draft deadline and then another 2 weeks to put together the final dissertation after that.

I need some serious luck on my side if i’m going to get through this year alive.

Actually i need a miracle.

Let’s hope something comes to me in my sleep that will help me figure it all out.

♥ Veronica ~x

Wii-ing

So been home over the weekend, i spent most of it playing on my wii with my parents lol. We’re so crazy cos we can play on it for hours on end! My dad still has holiday leave until the 16th which is why he’s so free to play on the wii with me if you were wondering lol. I think it still because of how novel the wii is to us, the first time we played together we spent around 5 hours just playing Wii Bowling lol! Now we’ve started playing Tennis together as well and my mum is so hilarious when she plays, she thinks she’s playing the real thing and stands up and moves around the room lol! But yeah i guess the novelty of it may wear off soon, though if we get some new games we’d probably still play for ages hehe.

Anyways other than playing with the Wii we went yum cha on saturday morning/afternoon. It was still really icy that day but there was still quite alot of people there, and i saw some teachers from the chinese school i used to go to. I’m guessing chinese school was cancelled and that was why they were so free to go yum cha. It also happened to be the headteacher’s birthday and the other teachers arranged for “sau bau” to be brought out. It was nice until the tachers got very loud in their conversation and everyone could overhear their weird conversation topics – which were really off putting if you keep in mind that we were eating! I found it really irritating after a while, and my table was right next to theirs so there was like no escape D: and to make matters worse they were STILL there even when we were leaving.

But yeah, it’s been a lovely relaxing weekend at home. I brought my books back to do some work but i haven’t touched them, i’ve got wednesday, thursday and friday practically free though so will probably do my work then. I’m kinda disappointed it didn’t snow today as they predicted but i’m also kinda glad since i really don’t want to be snowed in and not be able to make it for tuesday’s lectures since all my lectures are on that day and rescheduling them will probably be a b*itch.

Well the weekend is now officially over. A new week means a new start and i’m gonna try my best to cut down my procrastination! Wish me luck! =P

♥ Veronica ~x

Cancelled

Grr. Today my replacement lecture seminar was cancelled yet AGAIN!

The reason? “Bad traveling conditions” because of the snow, AGAIN.

I really don’t accept this as a reason for my lecturer to not turn up, the first time around i could accept it because the snow was actually really heavy and it would have been dangerous for him to come in, but this time i think he’s just being a lazy fuck.

The conditions were fine today. The roads were gritted and fine to travel on, and the trains/underground have been in good working condition since Thursday, so really no matter how he travels in from south london, there really was no excuse for him not to turn up.

As the lecture seminar was cancelled again, the essay deadline has been pushed back yet again. I suppose i should be happy about it but it’s just pissing me off, i just want to get the damn thing out of the way. I’m meant to be done with this module already and now its just lingering because a new lecture date and deadline has not been announced yet. I really cannot afford to be wasting my time with this essay anymore, i need to get my dissertation draft done for the first week of February and i’d rather focus on that.

This whole week has just been a waste of time. I should have just gone home after my 6pm lecture on Tuesday. But anyways my dad came to pick me up after i told him my lecture was cancelled (and that’s how i KNOW the roads were fine to travel on).

But at least at home i feel less like a zombie because back on campus i’m just refined to my room since there’s not much to do in this kind of weather.

Really am glad to be home.

♥ Veronica ~x

Snowed in

It started snowing last night and everyone got what they hoped for this morning – schools were closed. However i did not enjoy being “snowed-in” as technically i was not snowed in.

The plan today was to go to the lab at 12 to test a baby, so i thought i could have a lie-in, but i got a call at 8.30am from my supervisors [who are husband and wife] and told me they were not coming in since they were stuck in the snow and that they would just work from home. The two other people i work with also couldn’t come in because of tranpsort/unsafe conditions to drive in. I’m the only one who lives on campus, its a damn curse! I had to go into the office to sort everything out – call up the mothers booked in for today  and reschedule them then call up more mothers and book them in. I actually spent 3 hours in the office all by myself, it took THAT long to just reschedule things and book mothers in.

I SERIOUSLY REGRET GIVING MY SUPERVISOR MY NUMBER.

Gahh this dissertation is getting really tedious and we have literally no data, well close enough to no data anyways. Time is not on my side, i need 30 babies and my draft is due in for the beginning of next month. Plus i still yet have to start this essay that was orignally due for next week, but due to the snow 2 weeks ago the essay seminar was cancelled and the deadline was pushed back, the replacement lecture is this Friday. I really hope its not cancelled again >.<.

♥ Veronica ~x

Going Crazy

Yeah so i think i’m pretty much going crazy, its 4am and i’m staying up for no good reason. This happens every night, i just don’t get tired during the night anymore but i always suffer the consequences the next day.

I really need to break this cycle. New year’s resolution: to sleep earlier, but that has already been an epic fail D:

My friend suggested we should both make our resolutions to not procrastinate, but i don’t think that’s gonna work lol so i shall try and stick to sleeping earlier, though with the looming deadlines i don’t see that as plausible?  All-nighters might be the only option. Hmm…

On another note, started lectures again today. Such a long day! 9am-12pm then 2-6pm, that’s a total of 7 hours! The 4 hour slot was kinda a waste of time in my opinion, didn’t really learn much. The lecturer skipped most of his slides (about 120+ slides in total) and he kept going on about random irrelevant things that made us laugh out of nervousness/awkwardness? I didn’t know what he was talking about half the time, and when it was on-topic, he would murmur near the end of his sentences. He kept cracking jokes and using ‘topical/pop-cultural’ references, but still no one knew what the heck he was talking about.

Basically he could have condensed everything into a 2 hour lecture, maybe 3 hours if you add in breaks and waffling time. Its my final year and i’d actually like to use my time efficiently, even if i do spend most of it procrastinating.

Alas, i am promising myself that i will actually start work tomorrow. Let’s see if i keep that promise…

♥ Veronica ~x

Tied Together With A Smile

Tied together with a smile but i’m coming undone. That’s how i feel right now.

I hope you clocked the song reference.

My mood has been fluctuating all day, so many things have been running through my mind and i’ve been on the brink of tears about 5 times.

Its silly because something small and trivial was the trigger.

I was feeling low and the negative thoughts just accumulated.

I feel there’s no escape, no matter how hard i try to forget.

I’m awaiting the day they become distant memories. But that seems unlikely.

Am i to be plagued for life?

And i wish i had more time to spend at home, the thought of packing gives me dread.

I know the feeling will soon disperse once i get stuck into things, but the thoughts – they always return.

That’s a given.

But right now i’m hoping that dreamland will bring me some momentary sweet release when i finally drift there.

♥ Veronica ~x

✿ HAPPY 2010! ✿

Happy New Year! Hope that 2010 brings everyone joy, love and richness in every aspect of life and may all your hopes and aspirations come true this year. ^__^

I hope everyone had fun celebrating NYE’s and had a great NY’s day, how did you all celebrate the end of the noughties as we know it?

I went to see the NYE fireworks in central London for the first time, and it was spectacular! It was totally worth standing in the cold for 3 hours hehe, of course the company more than made up for it and time flew by rather quickly. The fireworks were an amazing sight and around 2 mins after the fireworks had finished, it started snowing! Me and my friends were so happy and excited that we started jumping up and down lol, it was a lovely start to 2010! It’s like the perfect metaphor, clean white slates for the new year, and a new decade!

I really hope that 2010 will be better, as 2009 has been rather, lets just say, depressing for me. So here we are, GOODBYE 2009 and HELLO 2010!

[And fittingly i’ve changed to a new theme for the new year, will probably get around to customizing the header when i have the time =P]

♥ Veronica ~x